I'm pregnant!

// POLSKA WERSJA TUTAJ //



Hey!

Normally I'd say I'm sorry for a delay and that I didn't post anything last weekend but well... I'm not going to explain myself this time :D OK, without mincing words! I'm talking straight to you. There's something to boast of and it's a big and very important change in life - another one that you're witnesses of - so there's nothing to hide. I'm 7 weeks pregnant!

I'll tell you something about it because I want to ;) I know that a lot of people wait to the end of their first trimester just in case but I don't have to be like them, do I? And Nate doesn't mind either so it's even better.


I found out that I'm pregnant like three and a half weeks ago so I knew it on our interview in USCIS and the officer learned about this as well, of course. Everything went pretty smoothly and I knew it quickly that there's something different than usual because I had all the possible symptoms. And it was the first time in my life when I had this feeling while driving a car - and I remember it very well - hey, it'd be a good idea to check it out. So I went to a drug store, bought a pregnancy test (well, I got two... different kinds - just in case), I used them and boom - two lines on one of them and another one said "pregnant". I smiled so much you can't even imagine!


Sharing this happy news...
I told Nathan the day I found out. Although, at first I planned to wait and go to a doctor first but we were sitting on the couch talking and I just couldn't resist so I told him and... I started to cry. Just my reaction. Nate reacted saying "oh shit!", but with a big smile on his face of course. And it was Thursday. On Friday I called my doctor's office and if I remember well now my appointment was set up for following Monday. A lady I talked to told me that I can have a visit whenever I want and I don't have to wait for 10 weeks or something. I decided to go right away to make sure (I know that those tests are wrong very rarely), to have some first blood tests and to know that everything is fine, and also to know what to do next.

I didn't want to tell others yet because 4 weeks is a very early stage and the risk of miscarriage for women my age was 20-25% (it gets higher when a woman gets older and for those over 35 years old it's 50%). Now in my case it's less than 5% and next week it'll be less than 1%. Statistically. Anyway, I cared that we wouldn't tell Alicia back then because you know how it is - if she knows then everybody will know. Nathan agreed but reluctantly. Unfortunately the time came when like two weeks ago Nathan's sisters, and an adult son of one of them, came to visit. Since all of them wanted to spend the weekend together there was a need to find a solution because I felt so bad that there wasn't an option for them to see me smiling, full of energy, talkative and willing to walk... None of that. So after a short talk with my husband we decided to tell them. He did it and he told them while being in a restaurant (when I still could eat...) and everyone seemed to be happy so I felt a relief when I saw their reactions. Actually, I don't know what I was afraid of but you know... Those bad scenarios. And we ended up in a movie theater so I didn't really have to do anything besides staying awake, fortunately.

Alicia was so excited! She started to ask: "you're pregnant?! Really?! But you're not joking, right?! Oh, I've been asking for this for such a long time!" And this is true, she was saying often that she wanted a brother or a sister and if maybe I was pregnant because she wanted me to be. She finally had that moment so she was happy and now she kissed my belly every day even though it's not bigger yet at all ;)

And my blog... You know, if I say it here then everyone will know so... here we go.


How do I feel?
In general, if it comes to the way I feel, it's just terrible and it's been like this for two and a half weeks now. I lay on my couch whole days, watch movies and tv series. My walks are limited to walking inside the house because once when I tried to walk outside, I almost died. I don't feel like doing anything, I'm dizzy, weak, I have pain in my lower back and not only there. Nate helps me a lot - he does grocery shopping, gives me food when he's home, cleans up my parts, cooks for himself. The worst thing is that I lost around 7lbs in 3-4 days what isn't very good in my case because I was on the border of being underweight for a long time and lately I gained around 2lbs which was a big success. And now, I lost more than that. I just couldn't eat or drink anything. So I need to take medications for nausea and they help me to eat more but at the same time they make me feel drowsy all the time so, for example, driving a car isn't an option now. Listen, I never slept so much in my life... I sleep 12-13 hours at night and then I take a 2 hours nap a day. This is something! I just would like to eat normally but, you know, it'll come back... It should within five weeks but for now I can eat fruits, light soups, peppermint tea and water with lemon so it's not that bad because if I was in a mood for pizza and chips only then it'd be a problem. And right now I'm really happy I don't have a job because I can't imagine working while being in a state like this.

Last Monday I went for my second visit and I had an ultrasound and I could see my little one and hers or his beating heart :) Since I watched a lot of videos and pics already I could see a head, the rest of the body and the beating heart and that's all. The doctor saw more and he tried to show us but my eyes didn't want to agree on that ;) He said that from what he can see, the baby is perfectly fine. They also took my blood and the next visit is in a month from now but they'll call me with my tests' results in a week or so. I also got a bag with a lot of information, folders, vitamins, etc.


My lifestyle and possible changes.

If anyone wonders, I don't think I want to change anything. I'm not going back to eating dairy and meat and this is out of a question. I know what a "vegan pregnancy" is still controversial and I'll be glad to address them if I have a chance. When I feel better I'm planning to go back to my dance class but with some modifications of course because there are a few things that I can't do even now anymore. I can't stand a smell of coffee right now anyway so it's not a problem and when it's gone, it won't be any effort for me to limit it to minimum and drink, for example, decaf after a dinner. It tastes the same and I care about the taste, not about being awake after drinking coffee (by the way, they say that the safe amount of caffeine for pregnant women is max 2 cups a day but I'll avoid it just to make sure and this is because there are no studies of pregnant women drinking 2 or less cups of caffeinated drink a day; also, my doctor told me that if I have a headache I can try to fight it with for example caffeine). I don't drink alcohol and I don't smoke so it's even better from the beginning.


I'm warning you that I'll talk about this on my blog regularly here and there so don't be surprised :) I hope that there will be some of you interested in this subject!

So yeah... I'm happy, Nate's happy, Alicia's happy so I think it's fine :D And now, I hope everything will go well to the end... and later! Keep your fingers crossed!


Talk to you soon,
Aga

Negatives about living in America.

// WERSJA POLSKA TUTAJ //


Hey there!

Today I'm posting something a little different and you probably didn't expect that something like this would appear on my blog since I'm so in love with America, right? But, you know, it doesn't matter because it's like a relationship - you love another person but you sometimes have problems with him. I won't have a lot of things here but it's something. If you're interested then keep reading and if you have your own ideas or any questions, feel free to post a comment :)


1. Expensive medical care.
If you're an American and you're reading this, you probably won't get it the way I'm trying to show it but you're more than welcome to read it anyway!
OK, I can't complain about my current insurance because it's really good but if I didn't have it, I'd have to pay $1,614 for my latest check up with a doctor (in this case, I paid only $25 because the insurance covered the rest).
I thought I'd give you some examples with prices so you can know a little more. I think it'll be useful mostly for people who are planning on going to the USA.
I went to a dentist having a coupon from Groupon (highly recommended!) because then I still had my au pair insurance. Groupon cost $45. I found out I had to have three small fillings done and I paid $130 for each of them. People sometimes say that if it comes to au pairs, it's better to go to her home country (Poland, in my case) to work on teeth and then come back than to do it in here. Sometimes it is true and it's be cheaper this way (au pair insurance doesn't cover dental treatment) but not always! It's a mistake to think that it's the same in each case.
I told you some time ago about this but I'll say it once again for those who didn't read me earlier. Last year when we were in Washington D.C. I had to go to a hospital. I was seen by one doctor, I had an intravenous drip (I hope this is a correct word for that), some medicine, I spent there around 5-6 hours and before I was taken by an ambulance. Later I received a few bills and everything cost around $4,500 in total, my au pair insurance covered only $900 so I had to pay $3,600.
I read on the Internet that tooth extraction with no complications cost $75-$300 depending on where, which doctor, what kind of painkillers. If you have to have something done right now (for example, in the evening or in the middle of two other patients) it's $300-$450. A wisdom tooth extraction with no problems cost $75-$200, if there's something wrong it might go up to $600 for only one tooth.
A vaginal childbirth is around $2,600 with no complications at all, a C-section around $4,500 but also when there's no complications (with no insurance). You have to add the rest of medical care, doctor visits, etc. Of course it depends on where you want to give a childbirth because you can easily find a hospital where you'll have to pay even $20,000 for a vaginal childbirth with no complications whatsoever. Expensive? Yea, a litte.
If you have a good insurance, it usually covers most of the costs and leaves you some change to pay. In case of not having any insurance, you'll usually have a problem but then hospitals try to help and they sometimes propose you a few plans or even remit 50% of the full cost.
Lately I read that the United States is a country where people spend the most money on treating cancer in the whole world. But then I thought, I don't know if it makes sense because here there's maaaaany more people than for example in Poland. It's obvious that if you have more people, then more people will have a cancer and more money will be spent. I don't know, I explained it to myself like this.
My advice: if you're looking for a doctor in the USA, instead of asking on forums on the Internet or trusting completely what I said here, call a doctor's office because, as you can see, prices vary a lot and there's a lot of causes for that. Advice number two: if you don't have any insurance, don't get seriously sick ;)

2. Long distances to anything...
...if you don't live in a big city because in this case you probably don't have any problems with walking or a public transportation. On the peripheries of big cities and in small towns in general it's kind of difficult to walk because sidewalks are usually only inside neighborhoods and by open shopping malls. Here in my place I'd have to walk on grass and hills which wouldn't be very comfortable. Moreover, it's so rare here that I'd have people asking me if everything is fine every minute (I have this experience already). The closest grocery store is around 7-8 minutes driving, almost 6 miles one way. I can't really imagine walking like this with bags full of food. Post office is in a different place than the grocery store but the distance is the same. The closest park with a lake is by the post office. To a hairdresser I have to drive 20 minutes, it'd be around 3 hours walking from what Google tells me (9,9mi on a shoulder where pedestrians aren't allowed to be). The closest Starbucks - 2,5hrs walking (13 minutes by a car). You know what I mean, don't you? I don't that some of you had the same in your home countries but I lived in Warsaw, the biggest city of Poland, and I had EVERYTHING I needed in a distance of 5 or maximum 10 minutes walk so it was a big difference for me. That's why I don't like when some people think that Americans are lazy because they drive everywhere. Well, they do drive because it's be really difficult otherwise and if it comes to walks, I can walk around my neighborhood only :)


3. Climate differences.
The problem here may occur when someone from, for example, Georgia wants to go to Maine in November and suddenly he realizes that he doesn't have any warm clothes and the only "warm" shoes are Convers. Well, I don't have any winter clothes, I mean I have one coat that I was wearing when I arrived here (it was winter in Poland) and I wore it maybe a few times here when I didn't have anything else. Right now when I'm typing this, I have 37C (98F) and in Idaho there's only 13C (55F). Of course it shouldn't be a surprise for anyone because this country is huge but it's just, you know, to let you know. Another little thing for you will be that in California there's usually colder than in my place :)

4. No pensions.
Is it a problem for me? I don't know, not yet I guess. I see it often on the Internet though so I thought I'd mention it as well. I was surprised when my teacher here in the US told me that this is an employer's decision if his employees will have pensions or not. In Poland we have a certain company that take some of your money from your salary each month and then, when you're old, you get money back (not all of them, though, but this is another story). Here people save for later and for emergencies. It happens that one person can have even 5 pensions when they were lucky.

5. Huge grocery stores.
I sometimes miss those small "greengrocers" where I could go in for two minutes, take whatever I need, go out. Here I don't have them at all and all of the stores are very big. I sometime spend there two hours on looking for what I need. Lately I go on a website of a store I'm in and I look for a product and then it tells me in which aisle I can find it. I recommend that!


6. Heat.
The summer weather in Georgia is... Hmm, you can stand it (air conditioning everywhere!) but it's very, very hot. Around 45C (113F) every day. I know that a real feel on the Sun in Poland can jump to the same sometimes (once a year lol) but I need to tell you that even if you compare 30C here and 30C there (86F) - here I feel it much, much more, like it's much warmer. The big thing is that here it's humid often and so if someone sweats then this swear doesn't go anywhere, it stays on the body and so one minute and your whole body is sticky. It's not very pleasant. Also, here you can't really breathe with fresher air after rain or a thunderstorm because after them it's even warmer than before. And if you go outside after rain, you'll see huge amounts of steam because ground is so hot that the whole rain will dry off during 5 minutes. If the temperature dropped from 45C to 12C I'd complain how cold I am when today evening and night in Warsaw they'll have around 11C... and it's summer.



You might be a little disappointed that I gave you so little of that but, well, nothing else comes to my ming anymore, to be honest. And I've been working on this post for a week so I had enough time to add things. I was talking about Georgia and I'm curious if there's anything you would add about different states? Or something you heard about and you're not in the US? :)

Talk to you next time!
Aga

Interview for a Green Card in USCIS!

// WERSJA POLSKA TUTAJ //



I'm adding this post earlier than usual so if you haven't seen my previous one from Saturday, feel free to check it out HERE. I really liked this post and I'm kind of proud of it.

Yes! We made it! It was quick, friendly and I'll receive my Green Card within 10 days from yesterday. I'd like to tell you how everything went so keep reading if you're interested.


Interview deciding whether I'll get my Green Card or not was set for July 27 at 8AM. Since I'm this type of a person who prefers to be earlier and wait instead of being late, I got up at 6, Nate got up 15 minutes after me and we left home at 6:50 having 40 minutes driving ahead of us. Everything was fine, I wasn't even that stressed, I had all documents needed and everything ready. There's a list of things you need to have on a notification with a date of interview. But I took everything we sent anyway.

We got to the place, waited in line and when we got a guy who was letting people in we realized there was something wrong. He took my notification, read it a little bit longer not saying anything and then he went inside. I made a joke to Nathan that what if we were in a wrong place. He laughed and then this man came back and he told us that... we were in a wrong place. Then I laughed but it was a nervous laughter. Maybe the fact that I was tired, sleepy and stressed made me not making sure if the address I typed in my GPS was correct? I don't know. Anyway, we got into the car and we had 29 minutes to go. We got there at 8:40AM which means 40 minutes after our scheduled interview. It took a few minutes to go inside because a very nice lady was checking out stuff (bags that you can have inside, etc.) and later we had to check-in. I went to a desk, a woman checked my notification and she gave me number K19 and then we were to go to a 3rd floor. We did it and we got there 50 minutes after our scheduled interview. 

After several minutes the officer called our number so we came closer and he told us that we missed our interview so we had to wait until he finds some time to take care of us. We sat back down and waited for almost 3 hours. During this time people were called more or less every 15 minutes. I almost fell asleep with my head on Nathan's shoulder and suddenly the officer came to us and asked: are you ready? I woke up immediately ;)

Questions from the officer.
We followed him to his room and we sat down on the chairs. He asked us to raise our right hands and to swear that everything we'll say will be truthful. He looked through documentation he had (and he had everything we sent) and then he asked us to give him our evidence that we got married because we loved each other, not because I wanted to have a permission to stay legally, and he wanted to see photos as well. He saw all of them and he smiled from time to time. After that, he was checking our information by reading questions from forms and then listening to us answering them - our birth dates, address, parent's names, phone numbers, SSN (I didn't remember mine and there wasn't a problem), etc. He was checking everything one by one. Then he asked a few kind of ridiculous questions like: during last 10 years have you been a prostitute; have you even been a member of any gang; have you ever killed anyone... And so on. He didn't even have to read all of them, he remembered them already. He also asked, regarding to another form, where Nate works, if I have any biological children and who I was when I arrived to the USA. He also asked, regarding to my I-94 form, when was the last time I arrived to the United States and where. The man asked for how long I worked as an au pair, if Nathan hired me or maybe agency and also if I'm still in the agency.

If it comes to questions about our relationship, there wasn't many:
How did you meet? Here the answer made the officer smile and he said that he didn't have any case like that before ;) How did your relationship start? Nathan's answer: well, we've been living together from the very beginning... The officer said yep, yep, ok, it's obvious and he laughed again. When and where did you get married? And here I checked Nathan's memory haha

In general, I had this impression that the officer made his decision almost at the very beginning and when he looked at our documents and pictures (a lot of photos from our wedding) he said that everything was great and we were "good to go". The rest was just a formality. I need to tell you that it was pretty pleasantly, the man was friendly, we laughed a little bit, we even talked about something completely not related to our case but about what he saw in the tv. So it was pretty cool :) I had the impression that all the officers out there I saw were in good moods, they smiled and so on, so this helps to relax if someone is stressed. And how can you not be stressed if you go to talk to one person who will decide about your future life?

I smiled a lot when he put a stamp on my documents saying: APPROVED. He added that I'll receive my Green Card within 10 days from the moment of accepting this in his computer. I can't wait!
This green card is for 2 years and it has conditions on it. After these 2 years I'll have to send a form to remove these conditions. The officer said that you have to be married for 2 years to get a permanent green card.

So I don't know how it goes in different places but I personally think that USCIS in Atlanta is a nice place :) If any of you is before your interview for a green card, I'm sending you my support!


For the end, everything from the moment when we sent our application to its acceptance took only 3 months! What it usually takes is at least 6 months. I'm very happy about that! Below I'll show you how it looked in dates.

Updates:
* May 1 - application sent
* May 4 - application in Chicago
* May 12 - e-mail confirmation from USCIS about receiving our application
* May 19 - traditional mail confirmation that USCIS is working on our case; I got my Alien number
* May 20 - letter with a scheduled fingerprints visit in USCIS
* June 3 - visit in USCIS to give them my fingeprints
* June 30 - letter with a date for scheduled interview
* July 17 - accepted and issued form for Employment Authorization
* July 23 - letter with Employment Authorization and my card
* July 27 - interview in USCIS in Atlanta



Talk to you next time!
Aga

How to fight shyness?

// WERSJA POLSKA TUTAJ //



This is a part two of the post I am shy! 


I hope you're not looking for any specific answer for the question in this post title or any key that would let you change yourselves quickly to a self-confident person. If so, unfortunately you'll be disappointed because I don't have any key. But I can tell you how I see everything and what I believe can help. I hope that at least some of you who are interested in this, will read something that you'll want to work on.

I know that a lot of people treat a lot of phobias using a method called "getting over the fear". So if a person is afraid of spiders, her therapist will force her to hold a spider on her hand. If someone else is afraid of cats, his therapist will force him to pet a cat and so on. The same thing with shyness... If someone doesn't want to perform in public and he think it's because he's shy (which means, he's afraid what others will say) then, probably, he'll be forced to perform in front of people.

I don't support this way. It can make someone feel proud of himself when he does something he was always afraid to do and this is cool but so what if the problem was pushed aside? I myself had a lot of situations in my life when I didn't want to do something and others were trying to persuade me or even to force me. I felt very bad about it, very uncomfortable and the feeling after was bad! And even though I'd smile when I fought some fear, the problem was still there and it'd come back in the same form or in a different one. And I don't know if I said it already ;) but I think that each problem like that has its own base and a reason. Nothing happens just like this by itself.

Nate made me realize one thing: all those prohibitions, commands, what's proper and what's not, aren't my own opinion. This isn't me who thinks or believe that. All of it are things that other people were putting in my head when I was a child and which I had to believe in. And when they speak my voice, it's still not me but other people! It sounds terrible, doesn't it? It was my first step to feel a little bit better with myself because I realized that I'm not the one who stops me; I'm not the one who doesn't let me do whatever I want. For example, when I'm at a park and I want to sing something I won't do it because my grandmother would always say: "kid, behave, people are staring!" I really want to do it but things like that come to my head and even though my grandmother isn't close by, they're strong enough that I resign. 

By the way, singing in front of people is a problem I can't fight yet and I never sing when someone is near me. But I'd like to.

There was a day when I said STOP because it's too much for me to worry about what other people think I should do or not. If I really want something, why to listen to some weird people who impose their opinions on me and expect me to take them? Damn, overstatement, isn't it?

A question I had to ask myself to be able to do anything with it was: do I want other people to control my life and do I want to do what they want me to do even when I really want something else? Answer for both questions is obvious: NO.

Other thing, what other people will tell about us... In my case, usually it'd be like this: I was walking outside, someone looked at me and then I'd suddenly think: I have something on my face, I look bad, he/she doesn't like this and that, I shouldn't look at this person, etc. The effect of it was that I was walking looking at the ground and if someone looked at me and I caught that look, I'd turn mine in a different direction. I was afraid of an eye contact, I was afraid that this person would start laughing at me, that I'd hear some bad comments. And again - it doesn't happen just like that! Everything has its own reasons that we're aware of or not.  

For example, several years ago I had very serious problems with a skin on my face, shoulders, cleavage and back and really, I'm completely serious here, it happened that I heard comments like: such a gross skin, I can't look, it grosses me out, let's sit somewhere else, she probably doesn't wash herself, etc. From complete strangers, in a crowd in metro or even just walking by someone on the street. Even a doctor told me once: you'll never find any job with a face like this. Now I'd answer this "nicely" but then I was just running away and then I was creating all these scenarios each time someone looked at me. I was also afraid to talk to a group of people because what if someone will shout that I'm this and that and the rest will start laughing?

In my opinion, people who really try to advice others like this, laugh at them, name-call, etc., have really bad lives and they want to put everything on someone else. So I started to think that if someone reacts kike that regarding to what I look like or what I do, this is NOT my problem, this is NOT about me. All of it are about what kind of experiences this person has, how they feel and how they handle their own problems. I think if a person was fine, he wouldn't feel this need to hurt someone else, this isn't natural. He'd rather walk by not saying anything.

Also, important questions are also: do I cause you any problem? What? Answer for these questions usually sound the same: I don't have a problem. If the fact that I wear heels hurt someone, someone felt threatened, felt some pain, I'd talk about it. But things like that happen very rarely (in my experience - never) so why would I worry about it? Why would I worry that my own friend tells me I should stop singing in a grocery store and when I ask why she says: because people are staring. Well, I don't care about people. If she told me that people are staring and so she feels embarrassed, I'd stop because I don't want my friend to feel like this because of what I'm doing. So I'd either stop singing, I'd keep doing it but quieter or I'd keep doing it without changes, depends. You know what I mean, don't you? And so if someone tells me that I look horrible and I shouldn't go out anywhere, I'll tell him: OK, you don't like the way I look! And I'll go away. Because an opinion like this one has no value to me.

I said it already some time ago but I'll say it again that there's a HUGE different in two versions of sharing your own opinion.
The first one is something like: you're horrible, you look disgusting, you shouldn't go out, do something with yourself, stop singing, behave like a normal person, sit like a girl, etc.
The second one: when you sing here everybody stares and I feel embarrassed, I don't really like this shirt you're wearing, when you don't wash yourself for a week I don't feel comfortable being with you.
Do you see a difference? If you don't like something, share it instead of attacking others and crossing their private and comfort zone.

There's one more thing that might seem weird at first but believe me, it works. When you want something and in your own head you hear that you shouldn't, it isn't proper and so on... Be this person who says that. Imagine that you're the one who tells you that it's not proper and then switch places and now reply to charges, defend yourself, ask questions, say you'll do what you want, etc. And keep switching places like this until you feel it's enough, the problem is solved and that the truth is that this person doesn't have anything to say after all.

When I pushed these voices away or I started to answer them, I began to think and care about myself instead of other people and I feel much better. Because my imagination works perfectly but the problem is that its experiences from the past make it show us negative scenarios. This is my decision if I listen to it or not. If I do then this fear will stop me from doing something I want. If I take this risk, I'll probably feel much better because these voices will stop coming, because I crossed some boundary and now I'll have a control over my life. And this is what it all is about!

What do you think about what I said? Do you have any other tips? Do you think these methods make sense? I'd be happy to read your opinions.


Talk to you next time!
Aga 

PS. And a song for the end :)
Lady Gaga & Beyonce - Telephone

Nathan's and Alicia's birthdays | a 56-year-old pole dancer | Magic Mike XXL | What to do?!

// WERSJA POLSKA TUTAJ //



Hey!

A few people under my previous post asked me a question how I changed if it comes to shyness and I received several e-mails about this as well so I decided to add a separate post about it. I won't do it today though because I want to focus on it and right now I don't have neither time nor any inspiration and also I have a headache. Expect this within the next week or next weekend.

What about today?

Several general things :)



On July 15th Nathan had his birthday and on July 16th there was Alicia's birthday. They got together with it perfectly, huh? Alicia had her very first birthday party with several other girls and everything went pretty good. Firstly we were here in out house and then we went to Chuck E. Cheese's, which I didn't really like much because there are only gaming machines. But it was their choice so we went where they wanted to go and they had a good time so it was worth it. I'll show you several photos.

a personally decorated cake :)

Can you imagine to do a birthday party with no gifts? It'd be an interesting experience but it's be harder to do these days than when I was a kid. By the way, when I was looking for something for Alicia, I facepalmed because there was sooo many things and 80% of that are things pretty much completely useless. I think that toys are cool and I don't mean that all of them should be extremely useful but it'd be cool if more would make sense. Because you buy a Pony, a kid will unpack it and throw it somewhere but, let's say, puzzles or some books would entertain more. What do you think?

My Handsome ;D

***

You know what, I go to several pole dance classes and every time when I see someone new that I wouldn't expect to see, I smile. For example, a 56-year-old woman who's been there for two years now. A 53-year-old woman who is an instructor out there is in such a good shape! More, a 50-year-old woman who's very, very happy from what she's doing even though she can't do much but yet she feels comfortable enough to shake her hips a little among other 20-year olds who don't laugh at her and don't look at her in a weird way. And these are only three examples! And I must tell you that I like it. I sometimes read those comments on the Internet written by Polish people that, for example, 30-year olds shouldn't wear shorts because it isn't proper and if a 50-year olds wears a skirt shorter than knees then it's just shocking! And then I remember these women who pole dance in very short shorts and very high heels and I think - great!

***

When I was telling you about Monika visiting here, I forgot to tell you that we went to a movie theater as well. We watched Magic Mike XXL :) I remember I saw a first part some time ago and I didn't really like it much. It was kind of grim, boring even, not many things happened. The second thing is, in my opinion, much better. Not only that the story is more interesting, there's also a good music and this time there were moments when I actually laughed, not only smiled. And I like comedies that make me laugh out loud and they did it. And a lot of dance that I love! I know it's not a very high quality movie and it won't win an Oscar ;) but it's good to relax, spend some cool time with girlfriends (but I saw guys there too!) I'm adding a trailer below if you're curious :)

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I'm not a vloger and I'll never be but I'm working on two videos that I'll want to show you. I'm curious how it'll work but I think it'll be cool. Keep your fingers crossed!
I've had a lot of things on my mind lately about what I want to do in the near future. And I'm not talking about a job ;) but more about what I'm interested in and about my blog. I think that it's not good when there's no ideas and if there's too many then it's even worse. I don't know how you see things but I can't start a lot of things at the same time. I prefer to decide what's important and what's more important and then do everything one by one. Or not all of it, depends if I feel like it. I sometimes like to be lazy as well and I recommend that to you.


For the end, I'm going to add two pictures from Instagram...

I think I look pretty in red ;D Too bad that the picture doesn't

show a real color of the dress.

Talk to you next time,
Aga

I am shy!

// WERSJA POLSKA TUTAJ //

Hey!

Today I decided to tell you something I've been thinking about for past several days. I'm going to add this to my series about children and the list with posts out there is HERE. And the previous post with trips in the area, that was a little late, is HERE.

Everything in this post is based on my own experiences from my own life and on watching others. Everything is my personal opinion which not everyone has to agree with. I'm very curious about your opinions and experiences, if you feel like sharing them.

Imagine a 5-year-old blond girl. She likes singing but she doesn't do it too often because she's usually calmed down: you're too loud; stop being so noisy; I can't focus; sit down and draw something instead of bothering me. She stopped expressing her emotions with singing because she understood that this isn't welcome. She's sad but what can she do? She's much weaker than adults who try to calm her down so much so she couldn't defend herself. She doesn't sing anymore in front of other people even when she gets requests to do so when someone comes to their house. When she refuses in fear that the same things will happen again, she hears: she's just shy in front of other people, she normally doesn't act like this.

A father and a daughter are in a grocery store. One of father's friends come closer to them, she didn't see him ever before. The friend has a weird scar on his face and one of his eyes is half-closed, the other one is normal. He gives a hand to her and it's all in bruises and scratches (later she'll learn than he had an accident on a motorcycle). The girls remembers a situation when some time before that someone from her family got upset with her and said: look, you see that man on the bench? If you keep acting like this, I'll give you to him! The father's friend reminds her about that man so she's afraid, close to crying and she's trying to hide behind her father's leg. He probably feels embarrassed that his daughter is afraid of his friend because of the way he looks so the only thing he says is: I don't know what's wrong with her... She's just shy.

She's 6 now and she's at her grandmother's house greeting guests. An old woman comes to her. She picks up the girl, hugs her, kisses in her cheeks. The girl feels that there's something wrong, she has no idea who this lady is and what she wants. The girl tries to go away because she feels very uncomfortable and then she goes to another room. Her grandmother says: oh, she's so shy! She's afraid of you! and everybody starts to laugh.

When she's in a kindergarten and her teacher asks her to come to the board, she doesn't really want to do so. She already has a lot of experiences from home, stores, etc., so she's afraid that it will happen again - someone will start laughing, making fun of her. The teacher says: don't be so shy! Since she knows this word already very well, she goes out there. Unfortunately, her imagination was right. The teacher tells her a word to write. She writes it but she makes a mistake which is obviously corrected by the teacher but then everybody starts laughing... and the woman too. 

Now it's almost the end of a primary school and the same girl is rather close in her own world, she doesn't share her problems, she doesn't trust people, she likes being with herself. She's learned during barely a few years that she can't feel comfortable even in her own house. Often when she doesn't want to do something other kids want to do, she hears: leave her alone, she's too shy. She's sad but if so many people call her like this, they must be right. She's shy and there's something wrong with her.

Secondary school and high school. Asked to describe herself, one of the first things that come to her mind is shyness. It's stuck in her head so much that she assign this feature as a part of her personality that is impossible to change.

Yes, this girl is me.

These short stories will have reference to what I'm going to type below.

Like I said some time ago - I believe with all my heart and mind that each person is born with a white card. In my opinion, nobody has any assigned personality features, any opinions, any likes and everything is developed while growing. Main factors in developing them are parents who usually are with children during their first and the most important time in their life when they start to learn world from basics.

I think that shyness isn't a personality feature and especially nobody is born being shy. It's not a feeling, not an emotion either. It's just a word. No child will call himself shy until someone else starts to call him like that. But the same child can call himself cheerful, sad or mad at someone (but only if people around accept his "negative" emotions and the kid is free to express them) because those emotions are natural. Shyness isn't natural and, in my opinion, hurts people in a lot of ways.

What's shyness and where does it come from? I asked myself this question a few days ago and I've been thinking about this the whole time since. I decided to share my thoughts with you. I know that others can have their own ideas and their own reasons and I'd like to read about them in the comments!

In my opinion, the first factor is how a child feels at home. Because if he gets punished, when parents yell at him, get upset often, beat him (including spanking), he's stressed, anxious. He's afraid because he doesn't know what will happen later; he doesn't know if he won't get calmed down again, if he won't have to go to "time out". When someone is afraid, he close himself. He's very careful, watches each step. And later each new met person is a threat in a sense because if he can't feel comfortable at home, how can he feel comfortable with a stranger? He hides, doesn't trust, imagines that something bad will happen... and then he's called shy. 
It happens often that children are treated as a museum exhibit. You know, someone comes to the house and there are requests like: dance for us, sing, show us how you draw, say this and that! I think that things like these put children in an awkward situation because they often don't feel like showing off like this and they have the right to refuse doing something that doesn't seem right for them, isn't natural. And when they don't want to something, they hear: hey, don't be so shy! And this happens when, for example, a child is with her mother almost the whole time and then suddenly she's in a group of different people who usually want to touch her, hug her, talk to her as if she was a doll.
I believe that a big influence has also making fun of someone, laughing at them. I don't think that anyone can feel well in a situation when a group of people laughs at them because of what they're afraid of, what they don't like or don't want to to. It seems not very comfortable and suddenly they don't know what to do with themselves. And it doesn't matter how old they are - 5 or 25. They become less trusting and they're afraid that moments like that will repeat so they start to be careful with what and when they say things and later they're called shy because, for example, they don't make jokes like before or they don't fool around like before.

And you know what else I think? I think that inculcating all those rules to children's heads from the very first day of their life - don't do this, you're not allowed to do that, remember not to say that to anyone and sit like a girl and not like some guy! - make them be less free, they're not themselves and they're careful. Especially when they don't really know what will happen if they decide to do what is prohibited. And what happens then? Yes, they're called shy. 

Everything like that stay in a head and it's hard to get rid of it. The worst thing is that a lot of people are not aware of the fact how it all started and who's responsible for this and so they blame themselves and they really glue this word to them that prevents them from doing what they want to. Because of the fear what other people will say, what they will look like, what their family will think, etc. A phrase "I'm shy" lets them to put their problems aside but they stay inside for a long, long time and this phrase means more or less "I'm afraid, I'm stressed, I have a problem, I don't trust you".

This feeling when I want to do something but I can't... Something blocks me, I'm in front of the wall that I can never move and at the same time I can't tell what it is exactly, why it is like this and how to fix it, is horrible. I know this very well and I'll never make my children feel the same.

And you know what? When I stopped being afraid of what other people will think, I have a much better life! The difference is unimaginable. And I know that there's still more to do in front of me but everything will come sooner or later. And I wish you the same.


Talk to you next time!
Aga

Monika's visit - Atlanta, Stone Mountain (4th of July), Senoia (The Walking Dead), Covington (The Vampire Diaries)... And more :)

// WERSJA POLSKA TUTAJ //

Today I'm going to show you some pictures and maps showing places we visited so you can know what I'm talking about :)

First, we went to Piedmont Park and we wanted to walk through Atlanta. We walked at the park and it started to rain so much. We had an umbrella but we were all wet anyway... So we didn't go to the city because my shoes were completely bedraggled and I didn't have anything to change. Too bad.

So you won't forget what I look like! :D

Three of us went to Stone Mountain for the Fourth of July. They have a laser show and then a fireworks show. The laser show was a short history of a Georgia state and music was, for example, popular songs recorded here in Georgia but not only, there was also Katy Perry who I don't really like ;) Also, they played the national anthem. I'll tell you that it was difficult to get there because there was thousands of people and the parking lot was full so we had to find another place to park and then walk a while. Later me and Monika had to go to bathroom and there was a long line so we waited literally 35 minutes. Nate went to the field out there to find a good place for us and... we couldn't find him in a crowd and then they turned off all the lights so it was completely impossible. He came to us after a few minutes and we went back to where he was before. We lost several minutes but we made it eventually so that's fine. I think I need to start not leaving everything for the last moment because then you see what happens ;) I liked it a lot, really. Especially fireworks. I'll show you some pictures - click on them if you want to see them bigger.

Another day we went to Senoia. Since this town is very small, a very hot weather wasn't a problem. I talked about this place already so I won't repeat myself. I had a good time! I like it when I can go and sit on a bench and chat, although I prefer to do it when I have a sunscreen on my skin and last time I forgot about it and so I was afraid I'd have a sunburn. Fortunately, it didn't happen and only my shoulders are a little bit darker than the rest ;)

I'm still not ready for the post with The Walking Dead locations so some of the pictures below will appear here again in the post I'm working on now. So this part of today's post can be treated as an announcement. Cool, huh?

The Walking Dead set:

And a little shop with some memorabilia... We spent some money there.

"Fight the dead, fear the living"

So true!!

*sigh* :D

And Monika. She took pictures out there too even though she doesn't watch this

tv series now. We thought that if she starts watching and she likes it, she'll have

some cool pictures already!

That's not all yet! Since Monika likes The Vampire Diaries (I don't watch this), we went to Covington where they film this show. Here you won't see any of an excitement on my part because I didn't even know what was happening but I'll show you some pictures so if you watch it, you'll understand Monika :) I liked this little trip as well because I could see a new place and I always enjoy it. But driving there was a little stressful.

Weird mannequins... 

A face like "don't take pictures anymore, I'm on the way to you" :D

Mystic Grill

We had a plan to go to Florida for two days but we decided not to because of the weather. We thought that if we were to drive while raining and then not even go to the beach because of a heavy rain (and it was like this lately), then why we'd waste our time. We stayed here and we had a good time so we don't regret.

Monika concluded her stay with these words: "Aga, I didn't expect you eat so much" :D


And that's all for now. I'm going to eat some breakfast, later to the airport and later and later... I don't know what I'll do today.


Talk to you next time!
Aga